Let's see- I haven't been here since January, so maybe I should catch up a bit.

February- got the flu (Influenza A, so hopefully some immunity will protect me from H1N1?) Took me until April to really get on my feet again.
Started working for my home church as secretary- an extra 5 hours a week income.

I don't remember much of March, but no doubt I was working. Somewhere in here we discovered that Poe had a growth on his paw. A fine-needle biopsy revealed it was benign. He attacked everyone he could in the vet's office after that so they brought him in to me using a control-hold that was comical to see; the nurse was clearly afraid of him yet he looked at me sheepishly. It took a week for Jenny and Mike to accept Poe again, and it was so stressful we thought we'd wait a while to take him back for the cyst removal.

April 15th- Tea Party at Pioneer Courthouse Square. Someone stole Kevin's backpack from our car, thankfully nothing in it but a Bible and some scrap paper.

April 17th- attended a birth; the last one until PDX Doulas could transfer to the volunteer services dept. at OHSU; no more paid births for now since the grant money was done.

April 24th- our 5th Wedding anniversary and we completed the purchase of our new-to-us car. The little black Ford Focus' nickname is FiFi; in part because that's the Greek for FF and in part because the previous owner had a dog and it still sort of smelled like it. We celebrated with a weekend at the coast.

May- Mama and Cathy came for a visit and we took lots of photos with the pretty blossoms of Portland, and the Columbia Gorge with dark clouds and lots of rain. This was the month we discovered that FiFi had a lot of problems heretofore unknown. In hindsight, I think we should have stuck it to the car dealers under the lemon law, but we didn't. Instead we put out as much on repairs as we would have if we'd kept the old car.

June- wondering when summer would finally show up. My back-porch container garden featured two trees I'd rescued; from poor locations in the apartment gardens; if they had been left there they would have been uprooted as weeds. These were joined by one pot of Basil and one of Thyme.

July 4th Hubby, Mama, Cathy and I went to McKenzie Bridge OR, and stayed in a cabin at Horse Creek Lodge. That was the week summer decided to show up. Even under shade of the trees all around us it was scorching hot. We tried going for a hike, but all of our old haunts were closed due to highway repairs. So we tried something new- hiking up the riverside trail, we got as far as the ranger station before we needed to take a break. Thankfully the station is air-conditioned, has public restrooms and videos of all the local attractions. We checked and found that Sahalie and Koosia Falls were both open and headed to their cool spray for the afternoon. That evening Cathy and I were enjoying the swings and I discovered two tiny trees also in peril- dug them up and brought them home. One has since died, but the other is hanging on. It doesn't seem to be in as big a hurry to grow as my other two and is still just an inch tall. I think it may become a bonsai.

Late July was Basketball camp at our church. I managed to spend one evening after work helping with registration, and it seemed somehow to be too much more on my plate.

August began and I was so weary. The growth on Poe's paw was now the size of a grape, but everything seemed to take so much effort, including calling the vet.

Pain hit my sinuses the second Sunday along with a fever, yet was gone Monday morning. That afternoon as I headed for home, both the pain and fever came back. I went to Urgent Care knowing that it would take 2 months to get an appointment with my GP. I was given a strong antibiotic and sent home. It didn't help, and I got sicker and I missed work the rest of the week. Finally I called the GP's office. She, of course, could not see me, but one of the other doctors could.
Long story short- he asked if I had ever had mono, which of course I had. Nevertheless he tested me for it and guess what? I'm one of the few people over age 35 to get mono and of the fewer who have had it twice (usually once is enough). That ate much of September and is still effecting me.

Once I was well enough to handle it we took Poe to the vet and had the cyst removed from his paw- by that point it was the size and shape of a large kumquat.

Despite the Elizabethan collar, he got out of his bandage several times and at one point (when freed from the collar for dinner) broke a stitch. Thankfully the skin held. After 10 days of struggle the stitches were removed and the "collar of shame" retired.

As Poe healed, Clarks came for another weekend visit and we saw the movie "Up" with them at McMenamin's Edgefield. I never shop on my own, but with the help of my mom and sister I managed to buy a pair of dress-shoes and at least consider a bunch of clothes. We also discovered the store Home Goods and I think I may do some Christmas shopping there.

October 9-11 I went on the Wesleyan Women's Retreat where we had great fun, grew friendships and were blessed spiritually. Both nights we were up praying into the wee small hours of the morning and we spent nearly every waking minute talking. I think hubby was pleasantly surprised to find me talked out when I got home.

That week a spot showed up in my vision as I was working on the computer and wouldn't clear. It was like an after-image from a flash bulb. I made the mistake of telling my mom about it on the phone; she thought I should call the advice nurse. My advice to anyone about the advice nurse is- don't call if it's after hours for Urgent Care, they will talk you into the ER, which she did. My specialist GP was the doctor on call and wanted me to "be seen right away."

Thanks to defensive medicine I have more medical bills than answers. The conclusion was that it could have been an after effect of the mono (hubby's vote) or a manifestation of a migraine (my vote). At least now I know my left retina and macula are healthy, as are the lenses and corneas of both eyes; no sign of glaucoma in either eye, and my vision with my glasses on is 20/20. Yay!

Last Saturday morning, a half-hour before my doula on-call shift was to begin, I was called in to a birth. It had been 6 months to the date since the last one I attended. I felt SO unprepared. I didn't know the combination for the doula locker, so I didn't have the Spanish language cards (turned out the mama knew lot of English).

Yet, it looked like things were going to go fast, so my struggle wouldn’t be long. When they called at 7:30 a.m. she was at 5 cm dilation, when I arrived she was at 8cm! The next 2 cm dilation came along quickly and we thought the baby would be there by 3 p.m.- I could be home that evening!

Around 3:30 they gave the mom the go-ahead to push. She was strong and she was determined; after 3 hours, she was exhausted and consenting to a c-section. In those 3 hours the baby had not descended, but the heart rates of mother and child were getting into dangerous territory. 90 minutes after she was wheeled down the hall I came in to meet the baby and the very, very happy mom.

Until that moment I had been doubting if I should continue as a doula, and though I still feel I should weigh it carefully and prayerfully, it was so good to remember what a privilege it is being there. Another hour and a half later they were settled in their room and I said good-bye, getting home just after 11 p.m.

That long day did take a toll on me, my lymph nodes swelled back up a little and my legs are still tired. I've asked PDX Doulas to put me on back-up shifts only for November; we'll see what happens.
That catches us up. I'll try not to be so neglectful going forward and will write about other things going on: budding friendships that have begun since I prayed for some; cool things happening spiritually with our church and family; fun craft nights were having in preparation for our missions bazaar on Nov. 7th, to name a few.

Sorry I've been off-line a bit. I hope it was fun! And I forgot how to use lj already. Sigh.

Right now I feel a little overwhelmed with life. The last two weeks have been full of drama.

This Thursday I had the phone call we've been waiting for, yet not really wanting to get. My Aunt Gayle died that morning. She's been fighting cancer and it just got to a point that it wasn't to be held back any longer. In August they gave her about 3 months as the time frame for the rest of her life.  She actually got a little more than two weeks over that and was able to travel back to where she grew up to see family and friends last month. She died with her husband at her side and full faith in Christ to save her; she went without pain and in peace. Happy for her, but those of us on Earth have lost her from our lives, and we grieve.

The call, coming right when I needed to leave, threw me off, so I was late to work. The whole day was off and as PMS closed in on top of grief and exhaustion and encounters with the in-your-face defiance; the hating, lusting, gross, degrading and grating society,sensations, sights and smells of downtown Portland,  I began to think things I don't want to think.

The Bible says that God makes a way out for us when we're under temptation. One beautiful door He has put in my life is chocolate.  For me, chocolate really does throw a miraculous chemical switch which eases the tension and erases the rage. It doesn't need to be a lot- one square / kiss will do. It can even taste nasty (like 85% cocoa content dark chocolate). If I get it when I need it,  I can be inside the sweet person everyone thinks I am outside. Really, I guess I am not a monster, and therefore I  do reach for chocolate instead of doing something mean.  I just feel like a monster. The chocolate monster! Move over Cookie....

It's a cool day in December and I want cocoa. :)

Last week I went to a birth- the first one with me as the primary doula. I am to get paid for this, but the e-mail I sent to the organization 3 days ago was, appearantly, not received! They need my info ASAP so they can submit the invoice and pay me next month.  I thought e-mail was meant to make things work better?

This week I am on the schedule for Friday, a.m. shift. That's the day a lot of doctors schedule moms for inductions so they don't get unexpected calls on the weekend. I hope I get called and yet, a breather would be nice as a break since last week's birth came two days after I returned from a whirlwind trip to Kansas.

I am not sure yet what I want this journal to be, but I do want to connect with friends, so write if / when you can.

The "$5 Foot long... at Subway" jingle.